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Post by mountainma on Aug 8, 2022 13:38:58 GMT -6
I'm really struggling with not fitting in and feeling lonely. Health issues keep dd1 and me from going to church. Dh is ALWAYS there doing EVERYTHING--teaching Sunday School, playing the piano or organ, singing in choir, leading choir when the director isn't there (which is often lately,) filling pulpit whenever asked, etc. Church is his LIFE. Ministry is his calling, and even though he's not a pastor anymore, he's just as busy with church as when he was a pastor. He loves it.
The thing is, I'm not there and even if I was, I just don't fit in. I watch services online and keep up with church members on fb and with what dh tells me. I send cards when I find out someone is sick, or birthday greetings. No one EVER bothers to call me or dd1. It's out of sight, out of mind. If my name is brought up, it's always to ask my dh why I never attend church. Nobody really seems to want to be my friend outside of the walls of the church building. Dd1 has been sick for 9 years. None of the young people her age ever call her or make her feel like she matters.
I tried attending the Mom's group, but felt very isolated there. All the other women were talking about their vacations and going on cruises and all the beach trips and shopping and other activities that all involve money. None of them homeschooled or stay home with their children. None of them deal with continual health issues or a sick child. They don't sew or crochet or can veggies.
I don't know what to do. I just don't seem to fit in anywhere. I'm tired of reaching out to others only to find they really don't care or are too busy.
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Post by ginakay57 on Aug 8, 2022 14:35:40 GMT -6
Here’s a big hug Rebekah. I have been in your position before. It is frustrating. After knee surgery I had to miss a couple of services yet hardly anyone checked on me. Granted, they all asked dh how I was doing but no one offered to fix a meal or go shopping for me. I guess they figured dh could do it (which he did) but everyone knows his long hours at work then caring for the farm. Someone told me most of the ladies have full time jobs and families. IMO, that’s no excuse. Sorry for my rant, dear. Since you are friends with many members on Facebook have you posted anything about missing everyone and feeling lonely? Not in an accusing way of course but just as a “I wish I could go to church but can’t physically. I sure miss the fellowship”? Possibly some people haven’t even realized how you may be feeling.
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Post by roseofsharon on Aug 8, 2022 19:36:27 GMT -6
(((HUGS))) friend. I understand where you are coming from. I am a pastor's wife and I have never fit in anywhere at a church where my hubby has served. Like you, I respond to sickness/death, etc, but no one ever responds to me. You might remember our daughter was diagnosed with POTS 7 years ago and since then has developed several autoimmune issues. When she was first so very sick and we were going to doctors and Childrens Hospital, several would mention to hubby that "your daughter is sure putting on for attention, isn't she?" It was sad that I had no one to vent to, no one to discuss things with other than hubby. Our homeschool group at that time was no better.
A few months after her being diagnosed, I had emergency surgery. No one offered meals or assistance. It was disheartening. People are people. I have learned to let it go or be eat up with anger.
It's frustrating for sure.
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Post by mountainma on Aug 9, 2022 8:53:17 GMT -6
Gina, thanks. I have mentioned a few things on facebook but it goes nowhere. I just have to accept that people don't care.
Roseofsharon, THANK YOU! Just knowing someone else understands means a lot. Our dd1 has been diagnosed with the same. I did not remember or realize your daughter has it, too. Wow! It's been 9 years for our sweet girl, and like yours, the autoimmune issues just continue to develop. Cleveland Clinic has been helpful.
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Post by grammea on Aug 22, 2022 19:36:08 GMT -6
Rebekah! I just made the connection between mountainma and you!!!!! I’m so glad I did. Years ago, PH was just such a place We upheld one another checked in on one another and helped when we could via snail mail as we called it. I’d like for it to be that place for us once again if we can! I know how you feel because I feel the same way though I’m a widow and that is one reason why I feel invisible when in church. Those of us who love the simple life (no cruises ) and who don’t have full time jobs and just like living slower need to bond together. I’m going to try to set up a virtual quilting bee here on PH once a week and see if we can interact and share. Meanwhile , if you’d like to share your address with me on messenger I’d love to send little cards of encouragement. Or if you’d like to chat in private messages I’d love to and I know Gina would too. Hugs and God bless, Helen(grammea)
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Post by grammea on Aug 22, 2022 19:38:04 GMT -6
Rose of Sharon How are you feeling now? Much better I hope! Please come and let us know when you’d like to vent. We’ll listen but be warned , turn about is fair play , lol! Hugs and God bless, Helen(grammea)
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Post by ginakay57 on Aug 22, 2022 20:29:24 GMT -6
Ladies, I’m on here daily, usually twice a day, so feel free to post anything that is on your mind.
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Post by michelle on Aug 23, 2022 8:40:39 GMT -6
I'm on here at least once a day as well!
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Post by mountainma on Aug 23, 2022 17:16:58 GMT -6
Same here!
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Post by mountainma on Aug 25, 2022 16:01:34 GMT -6
Well, the Lord has answered prayers and I have good news to share. I always go on sewing retreat once or twice a year but the lady in charge of it has cancer and is unable to have retreat right now. Another quilt guild is having a retreat and has some vacancies and invited me to go with them next month. This is EXACTLY what I've needed--to get together with other seamstresses and sew and fellowship. This will be at the same location I've always gone, and I can get an easy access room and rest whenever I need to.
Now I'll just pray for dd1 to be ok while I'm gone--no seizures or bad spells. I have a few weeks to prepare and get things together that I want to sew.
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Struggling
Aug 25, 2022 19:51:31 GMT -6
via mobile
Post by ginakay57 on Aug 25, 2022 19:51:31 GMT -6
That’s wonderful!!
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Post by eyeofthestorm on Aug 26, 2022 6:02:33 GMT -6
So glad to hear this.
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Post by michelle on Aug 26, 2022 8:17:05 GMT -6
That's wonderful!
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Post by mountainma on Oct 19, 2022 10:58:25 GMT -6
The retreat was wonderful! It was great to re-connect with others. We're all making more of an effort to stay in contact, too!
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Post by michelle on Oct 20, 2022 8:45:06 GMT -6
The retreat was wonderful! It was great to re-connect with others. We're all making more of an effort to stay in contact, too! I'm glad to hear that
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