doris
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Posts: 115
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Post by doris on Aug 14, 2020 6:08:38 GMT -6
well, I met a guy and he lives about 2 hours from me. I was gonna go meet him tomorrow where he lives, because I need to get a bit. He is a pastor and Christian counsellor (but very liberal in his views, apparently) and I believe he is genuine, but... he said that he wants to have coffee at his place first and then we go see the city and all. I told him I won't do it, because I don't think it is appropriate. He got all upset, like I don't trust him and all. He said I am being "religious" and that is why he doesn't get involved with conservative women... well, I then got a WhatsApp from him saying that if I don't want to, then we don't have to go to his place, very relaxed and everything. And I said I appreciated that and that because I had prayed to God that I don't wanna do it, it shows he is a man of integrity and feeling after God. Now he questions whether I want to come at all. He says he is confused. I said yes, I want to come, but safety first and I think all women are like that. So now it looks like I won't be going to see him tomorrow, he is upset and confused so he says. Maybe he needs to pray. I don't know, I was looking forward to meeting him in a public place, go for a walk and just have a nice time, but I won't go to his apartment. It is just not right. What do you guys think? What would you do?
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Post by eyeofthestorm on Aug 14, 2020 7:25:26 GMT -6
I think you are 100% correct on that point. It is not appropriate to first meet him in his apartment. A public place is both morally appropriate and the safe choice for both of you.
I am concerned that he does not understand why you would want to meet in public, and after a coffee in a coffee shop, see the city. That seems quite odd.
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Post by MammaMel on Aug 14, 2020 7:49:05 GMT -6
Doris, reading your post my gut reaction, which I have learned to trust for myself, says run. Don't communicate any further with him. He will try to change your ideas. You are not being religious, you are being Faithful to the precepts God has planted in your soul.
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Post by mountainma on Aug 14, 2020 9:39:45 GMT -6
Don't walk, run! A true man of God already would have know that is inappropriate and the fact that he's "confused" already is a big red flag.
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Post by ginakay57 on Aug 14, 2020 20:50:40 GMT -6
Doris, two things struck me immediately as odd. First, the fact he got upset when you refused to go to his apartment. As a Christian he should understand and even if he wasn't he should still understand. Second, did you meet on the Pentecostal dating website? If so how can he criticize you for being so conservative? He should also be conservative. I believe he isn't what he claims to be and just joined that dating website to lure in women. He may believe they may be easy targets. I would alert the admins of that site to protect someone else.
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doris
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Posts: 115
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Post by doris on Aug 15, 2020 1:17:16 GMT -6
Good morning ladies, thank you for your input. Well, Jesus took care of the whole thing. I stayed home, and we are no longer in contact. He wrote me and said something about the Spirit warned him and that he knows when the Holy Spirit speaks to him and that this is very unsettling.... and so on and so forth and making it out to be my fault. Bruised male Ego, I can live with that. Well, so that chapter in my life is closed and so are the dating sites. He claims to be Pentecostal, but nowhere near to my kind of believes, very liberal. I think he leans more toward the charismatic church. Anyway, lets move on in Jesus. He got me off to a good start losing weight though, I have to give him that . I cut out just about all sugar and overall eat healthier.
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Post by MammaMel on Aug 15, 2020 9:25:26 GMT -6
HE had concerns??? Lady you escaped a trap no doubt. Please wait and let the Lord lead a man to you naturally. I have nothing against online dating but there is so much danger in it now days.
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Post by mountainma on Aug 15, 2020 9:40:07 GMT -6
Count yourself fortunate. He sounds like an experienced manipulator, maybe even a narcissist. He asked you to do something inappropriate, then gaslights you by acting like you're over-reacting. A real man would have known better and listened to your concerns, not brushed them off by pretending your instincts don't matter. Wow, sounds just like a guy I know whose abuse finally drove away his children and wife of 40 years. After they divorced, he got on Christian dating sites and played the martyr to find another gullible woman. He still attends church and has people convinced he's a good Christian man who is unappreciated and misunderstood. I hate to tell you, but the dating sites are full of guys just like this, especially if they are middle aged or older.
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Post by MammaMel on Aug 15, 2020 10:14:11 GMT -6
Count yourself fortunate. He sounds like an experienced manipulator, maybe even a narcissist. He asked you to do something inappropriate, then gaslights you by acting like you're over-reacting. A real man would have known better and listened to your concerns, not brushed them off by pretending your instincts don't matter. Wow, sounds just like a guy I know whose abuse finally drove away his children and wife of 40 years. After they divorced, he got on Christian dating sites and played the martyr to find another gullible woman. He still attends church and has people convinced he's a good Christian man who is unappreciated and misunderstood. I hate to tell you, but the dating sites are full of guys just like this, especially if they are middle aged or older. Everything above. As for the guy described, my ex brother inlaw is one of those sons of satan.
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doris
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Posts: 115
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Post by doris on Aug 15, 2020 10:28:25 GMT -6
Thanks for the input ladies. Yes, I too think that if he were a gentleman, he would have not even thought about meeting at his apartment. I don't know the guy. For all I know he could be another Ted Bundy. Anyway, I so repented about this yesterday, wanting to force God's hand and I am thankful that he made it all go away. I spent a beautiful day with my Jesus in the mountains walking around, found myself humming in the midst of a bunch of people, LOL. IF the Lord wants me to remarry, and I say IF because I am going to follow God's will, I gave him specifications as to what I require. One that loves God above all, that loves me like Christ loves the church, that is able to lead me spiritually and pray with me, one that is active in church and understands me being active... so now he got my specs and now I will see what Jesus wants. I can wait. That is the nice thing about being older., there is no hormonal pressure. LOL
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doris
Full Member
Posts: 115
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Post by doris on Aug 15, 2020 10:30:53 GMT -6
Everything above. As for the guy described, my ex brother inlaw is one of those sons of satan.
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Post by MammaMel on Aug 15, 2020 11:46:00 GMT -6
I have decided for myself, unless God will otherwise, if MJ passes, I am not gonna get married again. I want some alone time. I want to be able to do what I feel the Lord calls with out listening to restraint from another human.
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Post by PinkCarnation on Aug 17, 2020 11:37:26 GMT -6
I have decided for myself, unless God will otherwise, if MJ passes, I am not gonna get married again. I want some alone time. I want to be able to do what I feel the Lord calls with out listening to restraint from another human. Me too, Mel.
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Post by thursdayschild on Aug 17, 2020 18:26:06 GMT -6
There's asb excellent YouTube channel, Dr. Ramani. She's excellent and goes into great detail about narcissists and their tactics. I highly recommend it for anyone wanting to avoid those creatures. Not just dating but for any interactions.
Children are the most delightful pledges in a loving marriage. They are the best wool on the sheep. - Martin Luther
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